I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
