soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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