Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
