That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
