Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
