You just made me feel so damn special
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
