I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
