Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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