Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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