Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
