Do you still have your period?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
