...so i touched it.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
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