Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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