So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
