I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
