I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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