Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
