i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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