Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You took a bar mat shot.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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