I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
