I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
