my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize