we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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