I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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