You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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