the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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