Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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