an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
