i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
this boner is exhausting
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
