I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
be right there i have to get my cape
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
