if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize