I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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