Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize