dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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