thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
it's like heaven, but drunker
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
