sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Come see our sink grown plant.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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