If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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