my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
