id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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