You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
