I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
