I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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