i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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