new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
