Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
