i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
