I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize