This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
