k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
