u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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