like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
