Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
