Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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