im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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