I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
