Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
