So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize