Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
