i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
