i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
she pinky promised me she was 18
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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