All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
