i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
