He uses pillows to masturbate.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
