Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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