At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
