why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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