Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
