I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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