that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
