The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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