You made me cry and you don't even care
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Its about making memories worth repressing
Barsexuality is the new black.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
