It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
