he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
