PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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