How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
