She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
