I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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