she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
