so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
We have started to decorate penises.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
