I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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