I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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