Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
