Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
