i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
