My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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