Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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