I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
