Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
