He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
