id be glad to
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
