Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
