porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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