im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
