ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
