Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
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