bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
time to smoke my breakfast
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
