haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
She announced her abortion via fbk
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
