Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
